Dutch language
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- a very good evening everybody
- I want to ask you to stand up all of you
- and now I want to ask you to sit down
- and now I'm gonna tell you that this has
- nothing to do with my talk my brother
- yesterday advised me to energize my
- audience because I am the last one to
- speak tonight so I hope I succeeded how
- amazing to be standing here in front of
- you tonight
- it's a very special evening because I'm
- about to take off a very special item on
- my bucket list doing an actual TED talk
- now what makes it that I can stand in
- the front of a bunch of people that I
- don't know and still want to share a
- very personal story I must be crazy no
- well I think I can explain and it has a
- lot to do with the main theme of tonight
- trust and as I say that out loud
- I know I must sound even more crazy
- because I just told you that we don't
- know each other so how can I trust you
- well that I can also explain I trust you
- because I feel like we're here tonight
- for the same reasons just like me you
- are here because you are interested in
- the stories of other people you maybe
- want to be inspired by them you want to
- learn new things just the fact that you
- are here to be part of this amazing
- event makes me feel a connection with
- you and it's based on this connection
- that I build a trust common grounds is
- that well what it would take let's see
- if we have more in common and let me
- properly introduce myself my name is ft
- Sam Boulahrouz M I'm 29 years old born
- and raised in a small city in the
- Netherlands I grew up in a warm and
- lovely family being the oldest of four
- and my parents worked very hard to give
- us everything we needed and motivated us
- to unlock our potential and maximize our
- personal growth so we did all four of us
- in our own way a very expensive joke for
- my parents as we all included a study at
- the universe
- for me personally it meant chasing my
- childhood dream of becoming a doctor and
- fortunately I just started with my
- residency to become a general
- practitioner better known in Dutch as a
- house arts as I tell you my story I know
- it sounds like a story of a typical
- Dutch woman right but if I tell you to
- look at my name you would tell me that
- it's anything but Dutch as a matter of
- fact most Dutch people prefer to call me
- peace as pronouncing my full name can be
- quite a challenge a fun fact I want to
- share with you is I started as a child
- to collect all the wrong pronunciations
- of my name and now 29 years later
- 29 years later I can fill a whole
- bookshelf I have an Arabic name and that
- is because my parents originally are
- from Morocco you with the Dutch culture
- but also with the Moroccan one and to
- make it even more complicated when I
- chose my high school I chose bilingual
- education which meant that 70% of my
- classes were taught in English that
- makes me speak four languages and deal
- with a lot of different people I can see
- you all think hello identity crisis
- growing up with so many different people
- and speaking all these languages could
- be very difficult at times
- I must admit certainly as a child I
- started asking questions why am I so
- different from everybody else and why
- can I not fit in in just one of these
- groups I mean I have so many so I
- started to ask these questions my
- parents because I thought maybe they
- would know dad why am I so different
- from my classmates mom why do we cook
- different dishes and my friend's dad why
- did my geography teacher tell me that
- I'm Moroccan when just last week my
- grandfather told me you're not Moroccan
- you're too Dutch my parents patiently
- tried to answer all of my
- questions and they kept telling me that
- I should focus on the similarities on
- things I have in common and they would
- end their message with the same mantra
- over and over and over again so soon
- this became our family mantra they would
- say if TSM although we are different
- from the outside you must remember we're
- all the same on the inside please
- remember my family mantra as it became
- one of the most important life lessons I
- have learned so far
- so as my upbringing was complete and I
- hope my parents agree with that I
- developed a certain way to deal with all
- the people in my life I'd like to
- compare myself with a chameleon as you
- might know a chameleon has an incredible
- ability to adjust its colors to its
- surroundings and what fascinates me
- about this color-changing is that it's
- an internal process the chameleon owns
- all its colors it's not like it's
- changing in an outfit or something like
- that no they come up from its core for
- me it is kind of the same like a
- chameleon I am forced by my by cultural
- upbringing and that's a good thing
- though to bring up a different color in
- every different situation obviously I
- cannot change my physical appearance
- every time I meet a new person but for
- me it's searching for a common ground
- because once I find my common ground
- with the person I'm dealing with a kind
- of trust develops and certainly or at
- that moment understanding and and
- communicating with each other becomes so
- much easier and just like a chameleon I
- own all my colors it's not like I
- pretend to be someone else or try to
- mimic the characteristics I see in front
- of me no I just dig up a characteristic
- that I already own as I'm getting older
- and wiser I hope
- adding more and more and more colors to
- my list to give you a few examples of
- the colors i already own i am dutch if
- descent
- i'm moroccan if t sam i am daughter
- granddaughter sister friend if the sam
- i'm fear of flying if descent
- i am muslim if the sam i am allergic if
- t Sam I'm in love with watermelon if
- descent I am a lot just like all of you
- now remember my family mantra different
- from the outside it's the same from the
- inside I think we all have a moment in
- our lives that advice or a cheesy
- question on a cheesy answer on a
- question we had as a child suddenly
- makes sense in the adult world
- I see few of you nodding familiar right
- well I had that moment during my first
- day on the operation room as a resident
- in medical school I was very excited to
- finally see a living person from the
- inside and the surgeon the surgeon gave
- me the task of prepping the patient this
- meant that I had a long list of
- questions I had to ask the patients and
- that is the way we collected the
- information before the operation could
- commence first patient came in I took my
- task very seriously so I asked all the
- questions and I went back into the
- operation room the surgeon opened up the
- abdomen and I couldn't be happy I
- couldn't help but be mesmerised so much
- beauty so much details so much structure
- in the organs I saw that made me but I
- couldn't wait to see the next patient
- what would be next so I rushed him
- through the room of the second patient
- again asked all the questions a little
- bit more quicker than that with the
- first patient and I rushed back into the
- operation room start I said I want to
- see what's next
- ask the surgeon opened the second
- abdomen right there
- in that moment my family mantra hit me
- I interviewed these two men I did that
- and they were anything but the same
- based on the answers they gave me as a
- matter of fact they even differed in
- skin color and yet would you ask me to
- identify them by a picture from their
- inside I wouldn't be able to my parents
- were right we are the same on the inside
- that moment was so powerful that I
- couldn't hold back my tears I don't know
- what the surgeons thought of that my
- never become surgeon maybe but it was
- there that I also understood that being
- the same on the inside meant more than
- just having the same organs the
- philosophy of the family mantra finally
- found its place in my head and in my
- heart it was there in that room that my
- family mantra and my chameleon skills
- melted together to create what would be
- what would become my work strategy as a
- doctor it was there in that moment that
- the understanding of common grounds in
- connecting our differences made an
- imprint in my heart and with this
- imprint I started my personal
- development in the communication with my
- patients I made it my first goal to find
- a common ground in every consultation
- soon my superiors noticed that patients
- told me way more than an average patient
- would tell its doctor very confusing for
- them I think but I was convinced that
- this was because we found something that
- made us relate to each other because the
- trust did not only come from the
- patients that looked like me had the
- same background as me or spoke the same
- languages no even the people that were
- supposed to be the complete opposite of
- Who I am told me anything I needed to
- know and way more most of the times
- to give you an illustration but for what
- I mean by saying common finding a common
- ground um
- I will give you some patients out of my
- work the first patient that comes up is
- an old man old enough to be my
- grandfather
- he consulted me as a patient for the
- very first time and as he walked in he
- looked at me as his son as if he saw an
- alien that short little girl with her
- scarf is gonna be my doctor I could hear
- him think I saw the hesitation and I
- could trust his day I could taste his
- distrust I had read his medical file
- right before he came in that's what you
- do when you don't know a patient and I
- saw that he was born in a region called
- Spa convert which is near to the city
- where I grew up in Spartanburg is known
- for a sweet delight called Spa converse
- Sahara a kind of cookie I loved and grew
- up with so I took a leap of faith
- instead of asking him about his medical
- condition that's what she do as a doctor
- right I asked him about his birthplace
- and I told him that I loved spa converse
- Sahara at first he looked at me with
- confusion what is she saying
- and then this sparkle appeared in his
- eyes and I knew I made the connection
- the rest of the medical consultation
- went very fine and he started asking for
- the little doctor that loved Spartanburg
- hearta so I saw him many times after
- that the second patient that comes up in
- my mind is the patient I saw during my
- residency one day is superior walked up
- to me and he said do you speak Farsi
- well I speak a lot of languages but I do
- not speak Farsi why do you ask me that I
- asked he said that an older Afghan woman
- came in and it was very difficult to
- help her because she didn't speak Dutch
- I asked my superior if I could take on
- challenge and see if I could help her
- maybe I saw that he didn't think much of
- it but he agreed so I went in and I saw
- this elderly lady wearing a scarf I
- walked up to her and I greeted her with
- Islamic greeting which I knew she would
- understand and then introduced myself
- she shook my hand and doctor she asked
- yes I said I saw this big smile appear
- in her face and she said Farsi no I said
- the disappointment came back in her face
- and she looked so lost this look I
- recognized my grandma would have the
- same look you feel lost when you cannot
- express yourself in your own language so
- I reached out for her hand put it in
- between my hands looked at her and said
- in Dutch you remind me of my grandmother
- let's do this let's try maybe we'll find
- a way the big smile appeared again and I
- started to ask her simple Dutch
- questions to my big surprise she
- answered almost all of them okay her
- Dutch was not perfect and we had to use
- her hands but I understood what she
- meant so I asked her why didn't she use
- the same skills with the other doctors
- maybe they would have understood you too
- the sad face appeared again she said I
- didn't feel very confident and I'm
- afraid to be embarrassed and judged
- because I know my Dutch is not well
- enough even if when I've lived in
- Holland for such a time I dare to ask
- her why do you trust me she said you've
- compared me to your grandmother that
- made me feel like you were my
- granddaughter and the granddaughter I
- trust what sharing of such a simple
- common ground can do for your
- conversation the ladies and gentlemen I
- didn't speak Farsi I just told her she
- looked like my grandma
- these lessons I've learned are so
- powerful the lesson of my parents lesson
- of my patience that I felt obliged to
- share them with you this is my idea
- worth spreading so ladies and gentlemen
- whenever you feel like you are drowning
- in the differences with the person that
- is in front of you please remember my
- family mantra because I can assure you
- that this person looks just like you
- from the inside and this is the common
- ground you have with every human being
- walking on this earth thank you
- [Applause]
-
a very good evening everybody
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